


Is it better if I die ? (Suicide)

by ScorpionMauve



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Bin's kind of an asshole, Chan's suffering, Emotions, Flirting, Grinding, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Jisung's kinda lost, M/M, Minho's a flirt, Multi, Pole Dancing, Seung2JinIn are not that present, Strangers to Lovers, Underage Drinking, but he's protective, sorry babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 09:41:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18635596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpionMauve/pseuds/ScorpionMauve
Summary: death\ˈdeth\nouna permanent cessation of all vital functions : the end of lifeex : The cause of death has not been determined.~How can death be the end of life if you're still here ?Why are you still here ?What will make you go away ?Am I hallucinating ?Let me help you.~Alternatively, Jisung break the laws of science by staying where he's not meant to be. Minho breaks the laws of science by being the only one able to help him.





	Is it better if I die ? (Suicide)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my friend for giving me the ship to base this off of and my s/o for giving me a prompt to go with ❤

Loud music was blasting from the speakers that stood at the side of the room. A boy was dancing next to it, completely engrossed in his movements. His black tangled hair was pulled in a low ponytail and jumped around to the rhythm. Sweat soaked the back of his gray shirt, as he had been moving around for quite a while. A cold breeze came through the slightly open window, making him shiver occasionally. After a while, he stopped, realizing there was no light coming from outside anymore.

The boy turned around to go and try to close the window as he struggled with it every night. However, he didn't expect to find someone staring back at him behind the dirty glass. He opened it further and leaned with his elbows on the sill.

“Hey. Were you watching me ?”

He probably should have closed it and called someone but he didn't really care anyways. The boy didn't seem menacing either, with his soft cheeks, blond hair and large brown eyes. He looked behind him as the one inside the bedroom tilted his head.

“Yeah, I'm talking to you, sweet cheeks.”

He started blabbering, surprised, as his face turned red.

“I, uh, me, no, nothing, I didn't-”

He was cut off by the other's giggle, who moved away from the window. As if attracted, the blonde scrambled forward after him.

“Wait, don't go !”

He put his hands on his mouth, flabbergasted by his own actions, the long-haired boy twirling around with the ghost of a smile.

“And why should I stay with you ?

-You're the only one that has ever seen me !”

The brunette stopped in his tracks and an interested smile slid upon his face. He threw his sweat-soaked shirt away against a wall, exchanging it for another one that laid on the bed. He got on some slides and slipped out from the room, landing next to the blonde boy. He was shorter than he looked and his face was now a deep red.

“Come on, cutie pie, I wasn't going to leave you.”

He started skipping on the sidewalk, the blonde struggling to keep up with his pace. Noticing that, he slowed down, so that they could walk side by side.

“Explain that to me now, dear.”

The blonde sighed heavily, fiddling anxiously with his fingers.

“The thing is that… I'm dead.

-Oh, are you now ?

-Oh dear god, I've met you five minutes ago. Why has every single sentence of yours sounded flirty ?

-I have absolutely _noooo_ idea what you mean.

-No, but really. I'm dead. I'm, like a spirit or something. You're the only person I've interacted with since… That day.”

They stopped as a salty smell assaulted their noses. The brunette hoisted himself on the cement block that separated the beach from the sidewalk.

“So… you're a ghost ?

-I think so.

-That's cool. Do you have some unfinished business that's keeping you here ?”

The blonde tilted his head in confusion. The other couldn't think anything other than how adorable he looked. He didn't stand out as ghost to him. No transparency, no floating, no echoing voice. He just looked normal -and very cute- like any living human looked. And he was staring at him.

“Oh, you answered, I didn't hear, I was too distracted.

-But you were looking at me.

-Exactly.

-Oh…” He cleared his throat, obviously flustered. “I said that I didn't think so. In fact, I don’t remember much…

-D’you know how long you’ve been here for ?”

He hummed as he thought, fingers opening and closing as he was counting. His dark eyes refocused after a bit.

“Lost count after two days.

-That’s not a long time.

-It is for me. Oh hey, I don’t know your name.

-So you were stalking me but didn’t manage to learn that.”

The blonde started coughing from the surprise, as the other laughed loudly, head thrown back, uncaring about anything.

“I wasn’t stalking you ! I just happened to see you dance.

-Of course, that’s obvious, how did I not know ?

-Oh my god, will you shut up ?

-I guess you won’t know my name then.

-Pleaaase ?”

The innocent and pleading look on his face pulled another chuckle out of the brunette. Patting the spot next to him to invite the ghost to sit, he looked far out at the dark body of water, rumbling quietly as waves crashed upon sand. He took place as asked and observed the boy next to him.

“My name is Minho.

-That’s pretty.

-Fits me well, doesn’t it ? What’s yours ?

-J.one.”

A sneer made its way out of Minho, making the other swat his arm like it was a fly.

“Stop laughing at me, it’s the only thing I can remember !

-I’ll call you J, then. That’s mysterious. J. Yeah, I like it !”

Saying these words playfully, the brunette jumped off the concrete he was sitting on, running towards the water. He threw his shirt in the sand, slides flying off somewhere, before crashing into a wave. He dove under the surface as J caught up to him. He followed into the sea, hissing at the cold.

“How can you swim in that ?

-You get used to it. Aren’t you supposed to not feel anything ?

-Probably but I do and I don’t like it.

-Poor baby.”

He swam further away from the coast before coming back, circling around the blonde like a shark. They stayed in the water until they lost track of time, enjoying the starry sky and the glide of water.

As the moon disappeared behind clouds, its glow stopped reflecting on the rippling liquid, they came out of the sea, all wet. Sand stuck to their feet and calves, hair dripped down on their shoulders and back. There was barely any light for them to see where they were going but, miraculously, neither of them fell. Picking up their clothes, they started to go back towards the city.

“J, where do you sleep ?

-I don’t really sleep, I just… Go around and blackout for a bit.

-Would you rather come in my house ?

-Thanks for offering, but I’m fine.”

Sticky from the salt, Minho rubbed off the now dry sand from his legs, slipping on his shirt again. He approached the house in which he lived.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow ?

-Sure.”

Minho climbed back in through his window and, with the corner of a smile, he closed it and pulled the curtains.

* * *

The blonde ghost had spent the night counting the stars and drawing in the sand, watching the wind blow away their past footsteps. He came back to himself just in time to see the first sliver of the sun peek from over the city buildings.

He decided to make his way back towards his new friend’s home because he hadn’t told him when he’d be going out. It would probably be unhelpful to be absent if the other went searching for him. He didn’t have to wait long sitting at the base of a tree before the brunette practically ran out. J got up to meet him but Minho gestured for him to run after him.

The ghost thought that he was probably late for whatever he was going to so he started going in his trail. After running for a few streets, they finally stopped as J started to cough from lack of oxygen.

“Sorry, I’m just not that athletic. Are you late ?

-No, I’m even early, I just… Had a bit of a run-in with my mother.

-Are you feeling okay ?

-Yeah, perfect. Let’s just get to school, okay ?

-Sure.”

Walking by Minho’s side, he didn’t notice the slight limp in his steps.

* * *

“Hey, J, come here, I found something about you.”

The blonde ushered closer to Minho, who was watching the screen of the phone resting on his lap. The cold stone bench he was sitting on was freezing his thighs but he didn’t mind much. He was used to the lack of warmth, after all.

“Me ? How ?

-The only thing we have is J.One, right ? So I looked that up and apparently, that's an anonymous rapper and producer part of a trio. Does that ring a bell anywhere ?

-Yeah, it sounds familiar… Are there maybe some videos of performances online ?

-There are but we'll need someone's phone for that.

-Why ?

-I can't access from my phone, it's a long story. And I'm supposed to go meet up with Woojin so let's not make him wait too much.”

Jumping unto his feet, he started making his way downtown, walking fast. Faces passed as he wasn’t housebound.

* * *

The wind was blowing gently, shuffling the four -five- boys’ hair.

Minho probably looked crazy, focusing intensely on the video playing on Jeongin’s phone, only one earphone in, the other dangling off, mumbling to himself. In his reality, he was watching one of J.One’s group performances, J listening from the other earphone.

“It does look like you… We can’t really see the face bu-

-Oh hyung, is that 3racha ?!”

A shriek made its way to the brunette’s ear, at which he winced. He paused the video and turned his head to see Felix, the pretty brown haired bouncy angel.

“Yeah, it is. Do you like them ?

-Please don’t get him st-”

Seungmin had no time to finish his sentence that another high-pitched squeal left the boy.

“Oh my god, I love them so much, you don’t even understand, their songs are so amazing, did you know they produce EVERYTHING themselves ? Everything, yes. They’re so great, oh my god.”

The younger was practically buzzing from excitement, bouncing until Minho pulled him down to sit by his side on the concrete floor.

“You seem to know a lot about them, don’t you ?

-I know pretty much everything you can know about them, considering they haven’t revealed their faces, names or much detail in general. They haven’t released anything lately, though. I think something happened because one of the members has stopped tweeting a while ago. He used to every day, multiple times a day.

-Which one was it ?

-J.One. He’s that one, on the right. I mean, you probably know that if you listened to the start of the video but… Anyways, I hope nothing too bad happened, they don’t deserve it. My god, they’re so talented.

-Okay, let’s stop loverboy before he goes off again.”

The youngest of Minho’s friends, cute baby Jeongin, splayed himself down on Felix’s back, effectively cutting off his word flow.

“Wait, I have one last question. Are they from Seoul ?

-I think they are, yeah.

-Thanks.”

He gave back the phone to its owner and stood up, wiping dust off his butt and thighs. Sliding his bag on one shoulder, he walked away, mumbling to himself, a slight hitch in his steps.

“He’s acting kinda weird today.

-Doesn’t he always ?

-Well… Yeah, but not like this.

-Did something happen ?

-I don’t know…”

Meanwhile, Woojin just watched his friend go with a deep frown and long sigh.

* * *

As the black haired boy lifted up his arms to stretch, the ghost gasped. He received an enquiring stare with a lifted eyebrow. A hand wave towards the general area of his stomach made him look down, letting out a small hum of understanding.

“That’s my mother.

-What ?! That looks really painful. And there are a lot of bruises too.”

He tucked his shirt into the waistband of his pants, hiding away the red and blue blotches.

“She beats me. She says that I’m a disgrace, an accident and the reason my father left.

-She… She’s twisted, how can she do you that ? You’re… You’re so amazing, you don’t deserve this.”

Minho simply shrugged, shaking his head. J’s eyes became glossy as he tried to get a hold of the other’s hand. He wasn’t able to.

“I’m just waiting to become an adult so I can get the fuck out of here. Just another 6 months and I’ll be free. It’s not that big of a deal. I’ll live.

-But it’s no-”

The dancer’s voice cut him off sharply.

“J. It’s my life and I can manage it.”

Gaze falling down to the floor, he gave a small nod. A soft hand grasped his upper arm and pulled him into a gentle embrace. It caressed his hair softly.

“Thank you for caring for me, but I can handle it.”

They stayed glued to each other for a long time, so long they lost track of time.

* * *

The duo was on its way to the studio Minho frequented. Normally, he’d have to pay to be allowed to go to it but he didn’t have any money so he worked there part-time in exchange for free access. It was a big art studio, which meant that many types of creation took place. In the brunette’s case, it was dance, but you could also stumble upon music, drawing, painting, sculpture, basically anything.

They had come because, one, Minho wanted to practice and two, they needed a computer in order to look through J’s hard drive. It had been in his pocket since he died and he wondered what was on it.

Finally arriving at the studio, they went through the glass door and into the brown-toned hall. Despite being quite a big building, it had a cozy and home-like feeling. He saluted the older man seated at the desk, who answered it with a smile, and went into the right corridor.

“We’ll check your drive first, let me find an empty music room.”

The blonde hummed in approvement, trailing behind. Minho checked a list attached on a cork board before walking to the staircase halfway through and climbing the steps. The ghost and his ghost muscles protested, despite not being tangible. They soon after settled in a small room with a couch and computer on a desk, a tiny recording booth tucked away in the corner.

Plunging the hard drive in a USB port, the alive boy turned on the device. While waiting for the settings to be made, he spinned around in the chair, his ponytail coming undone and whipping his face.

“Hey, J…”

The boy’s head shot up to look at the other whose tousled hair gave a savage but surprisingly entrancing aura.

“How long ago did you die ?

-Hm… I think it was during the winter. I don’t really know when, it was just very cold for the first few days I remember as a ghost.”

The other hummed without a word, turning back to look at the screen. He opened the few documents stored on the drive. He invited to other to come by his side with a finger.

“There’s an mp3 doc. And a few text ones.

-So it really does look like I’m that rapper.

-Yeah.”

Opening the sound document in a music software, he started it, closing his eyes. A track with a heavy beat and steady background started and enveloped them. It sounded smooth and and mysterious, J bopping his head to the rhythm unknowingly. It ended after a few minutes, leaving them in a silent and contemplative state.

“That’s cool. Like. Really cool. I’m a dancer, I know some shit about music and that is great music.

-Uh… Yeah. What’s on the other files ?

-Seems to be lyrics, I suppose. And notes on creative process.

-So I’m producing that song.

-You should continue it.

-Yeah.

-I’m gonna go down to practice, okay ? You can either stay here and work on that or come with me.

-What if someone comes in ?

-Lock the door, I signed for the room.

-Okay then… I’ll stay here.

-I’ll come back in a few hours. I’ll be in the practice room 5 if you need me. Remember to lock the door.”

The blonde nodded and smiled as Minho fluttered his fingers, walking out.

* * *

Blasting music coming from speakers around the room, a large number of sweaty bodies pressed up against each other. A distinct smell of alcohol, sweat, perfume and cologne mixed in the air. Close to the window stood a shiny silver pole, around which swirled Minho. His chest was exposed by a punctured crop top and his thighs brought out by fitted jeans. The pastel blue and white of his outfit highlighted his tan skin beautifully, which glistened under the light.

“Minho, come here, you're trashed.”

The man shook his head violently, braided hair sent to hit his shoulders. He answered, voice slurred.

“I'm peeeerfect, look at meee.”

Woojin pulled him down from the slightly elevated platform, the younger's lithe body gluing itself to the stronger one. The large arms wrapped around his form as Minho started to grind on his friend, eliciting whistles and catcalls from all around the room.

“Min, come on, don't be difficult.

-Let me enjoy my time, you old maaan, he said as he hung himself to Woojin's neck, you just don't know how to have fun.

-The night is done for you, Min.”

He wiggled and punched and whined but to no avail. Minho was brought up to a brightly colored room, the dimmed yellow lights giving out a soft and warm glow. Woojin let him down softly on the bed, fluffy comforter tickling the exposed skin deliciously. Blinking to accommodate his vision, his gaze fell on the makeup scattered across the messy desk.

“Ooooh this is Jinnie's roooom. I never came here. In every way possible.”

The oldest chose to ignore his flirtatious tone.

“Yeah, he only allows people he trusts in here.

-Explains why I never visited then.”

He scooted back to lean on the numerous pillows. Woojin took a hold of the door knob, twisting it with a creak.

“I'm gonna go find you some things, okay ? You stay here and don't touch anything.

-Yes, mom.

-Dad.

-Yes, Daddy.”

The older groaned and started stepping out into the corridor.

“I'm going downstairs.

-Go down on me !

-Shut up !”

Minho burst out in a fit of giggles as the other disappeared. He settled back, closing his eyes, before rolling over onto his stomach. It was only a dozen of seconds before the door reopened.

“Oh, Wooj, changed your mind ? Oh, J, hi !

-Are you okay ?”

The short blonde took a seat at the edge of the bed, by Minho's hips.

“I'm just drunk. You'd think I'd get used to it but nah. But it's fun, means the thrill's aaaalways here.

-I thought I lost you. One second, you were pole dancing your heart out and the next, you had disappeared.”

Minho turned to face his ghostly friend, giggles shaking his body.

“Blame Jin hyung for that.

-You're a mess.”

The boy extended his hand to caress the other's face, but pulled it back violently as the door opened in a shaky creak. A platinum blonde mop of hair peeked in.

“Oh sorry, I thought I saw my friend come in but… Nevermind, I'll go.

-What's their name ? Maybe I saw them.

-It's Jisung, but it's no use, he's not here anymore.”

Minho let out a quiet sound as he sat up, looking at the man. His head hung low and all black clothes cladded his figure. The brunette pat the bed, inviting him to come sit with a soft voice. The newcomer did so silently, J scooting over but staring at him. Now that he was closer, the drunk boy noticed the large black roots of his hair. Seemed like they hadn’t been dyed for a few months.

“I’m Minho. What’s your name ?

-Chan. Bang Chan. I saw you… Downstairs, dancing. You dance well. You look very passionate.

-Thank you ! I love dancing. It’s amazing.”

A shiny water droplet slid down Chan’s cheek as he blinked his eyes, soon becoming two, then three and so on. He wiped his face with the wrist of his sleeve.

“I’m sorry, I’m just… It’s been months but I still can’t get over it. You kind of remind me of him. He was, Chan sniffled grossly, he was so in love with music. It was basically part of him. Fuck, I miss him so much.”

He burst into heavy sobs, full body shaking by the force of them. Minho noticed J looking excessively distressed at the sight of this man that none of them seemed to know. The ghost moved closer and ran his hands through Chan’s hair, hoping to bring him relief even though he couldn’t feel it. The tremors going through him lessened until he was just flopping forward. He straightened up, twisting his fingers and biting his lip.

“I’m sorry you had to witness that. I just haven’t accepted his death yet.

-It’s okay, you’re allowed to have emotions. What was he like ?

-He was… So fun to be around. Couldn’t shut up for anything in the world but he listened so well. He had those soft cheeks, looked just like a squirrel. Hardworking, kind, caring, loud, obnoxious, so so endearing. And a clumsy ass. That’s what got him. If only he would have looked… That dumbass was hit by a car after slipping on dog poop. I swear…”

His heavy sigh turned into a wet giggle as the fond memories came rushing through his head. He could almost hear Jisung’s voice, somewhere in the back of his mind :

“You’re gonna be okay, Channie. You’ll be successful. Remember me but don’t cry for me. Smile for me. We will meet again and I hope it’s not too soon.”

Unheard footsteps made their way to the entrance of the room and the door opened silently. Woojin’s frame came through, gaining the three boys’ attention.

“Are you okay ? Did Minho try something ?

-Woojin ! I’m just bein’ niiice.

-Oh, no, no, I’m fine, I was thinking back to some sad stuff, Minho was listening to me.”

The brown-haired man put down the pile of things he was carrying, throwing a water bottle at Minho.

“He has a tendency to try and jump on people when he’s drunk. Just looking out for you.

-I don’t !

-Shut up and drink, you princess.”

He took a few large gulps as Woojin continued talking to Chan.

“I’m not forcing you to do anything but you probably should probably go home. You look kinda shaken up.

-I’m supposed to sleep here but I can’t find Hyunjin. Or Changbin. He’s my friend. I came here with him.

-Y’can stay with me. Jin’s bed is like, large enough for the whole army. I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

Fingers pressing circles in his temple, the blonde nodded.

“Night’s been rough.

-Okay, then you stay here with Minho, I’ll come by again in a bit. Min, please, don’t do shit. I’ll try to find your friend, Chan, tell him where you are.

-He’s short and muscly. I think he’s wearing a red and black striped shirt, if that helps. Thank you.”

Woojin nodded with a smile, hand throwing a small wave, before he closed the door on them. The blonde turned back to the other, who was unbraiding his hair.

“Aren’t you cold ? You’re not wearing much.

-We love showing skin in this house.

-And getting sick ? Just take this.”

He pushed a sweater in Minho’s lap, that he recognized as one of Hyunjin’s. He slid it on with a giggle and went under the covers.

* * *

Getting up due to a pressing matter, the black-haired boy stood up from the bed. He went out into the dark corridor. It felt weird to roam around someone’s house while everyone was asleep. He peeked inside a slightly open door, that happened to lead to the bathroom.

He went in, closed the door and started doing his thing, unlocking the phone. He didn’t recognize his background, frowning. He brought the screen closer to his face and squinted to make the picture more clear.

Three people, two of which he had already talked to and one he supposed he had heard of before. He couldn’t help but gasp, almost dropping the device. He pulled his pants back up and opened the notes app. There it was, random words, sentences, adjectives, names.

One word stood out to Minho’s tired eyes : 3racha.

He went back into the corridor and bumped into a short person.

“Sorry, I jus-

-Could you just be quiet ? You already woke me up, Jin will be soon if you c… Is that… Why do you have Chan’s phone ?

-Sorry, was an accident, mistook his for mine.

-Listen, I don’t give a shit about why, actually, just don’t go snooping around and leave hyung alone, alright ?

-Calm down, dude, I’m not gonna do anything.

-He already has a lot of shit to deal with, we can’t add a guy like you on top of it.”

The raven-haired boy almost spit those words out, dripping with disgust. Minho raised an eyebrow, cocking a hip to the side.

“Okay so first off, that’s rude, let me do what I want as I’m not harming anyone, second off, I’ll go away if you answer my one question.”

The other sighed deeply and gave him a nod to make him continue. The taller of the two raised the phone and pointed to one of the boys of the lockscreen picture.

“That’s Jisung ?”

Jaw clenched, the boy who he now guessed was Changbin nodded.

“Now fuck off.”

Thanking him quietly, Minho turned around and went back in Hyunjin’s room. When he shot one last look at the other before closing the door, he saw him dabbing his eyes with his sleeve.

* * *

“So… It’s done ?

-It is.  

-When… When do you want to drop it ?”

Seated in a sofa, Minho played with Jisung’s fingers, bending them and moving them around gently. The blonde put his hand on the other, stopping his anxious jitters and train of thought.

“If it was up to me, I would never.

-But we both know it’s the best thing to do.

-Yes… Let’s… Let’s do it tomorrow. Midnight.

-One last day together, huh.”

The ghost nodded, sadly laying his head the shoulder next to it. The brunette wrapped an arm around his waist, bringing his body closer.

“Sungie, let’s not be sad. Let’s enjoy the time we have and then we’ll get to be gloomy, alright ?”

Minho received a court nod as an answer, to which he patted Jisung’s hip softly.

“So what’s the title ?

-19.

-Why ?

-I don’t really know. I think I’ve always looked forward to being nineteen but now I can’t. I just know that it has to be the title, it can’t be anything else.

-Alright, 19 it is, then.”

* * *

“It’s time.”

Minho’s and Jisung’s linked hands hovered above the mouse, none really wanting to click on the “post” button.

“Wait, wait, wait. I have something to tell you.

-Hm ?

-I love you. I know we haven’t known each other for that long but you’re the only person able to see me and that must mean something, right ? You helped me so much, you’re such a strong and amazing person. You’re so talented and passionate. We’ll meet again, hopefully not too soon. I wanted you to know that. I love you.”

Tears welled up in the living man’s eyes and streamed down his face as he started sobbing. The ghost pulled him against his chest, feeling every little tremor and shake.

“I love you too, I’m so fucking glad I met you and was able to help you. I don’t want you to leave but I know you have to. I’ll miss you so much.”

Jisung lifted his face in order for their faces to be close to each other, so close he could see the slight twitching of Minho’s irises.

“Let’s do this.”

He nodded softly, sniffling and taking a hold of the smaller’s waist. Their lips met softly, Minho’s plump and wet ones against Jisung’s, warm and slightly chapped. As they moved against each other, parting so that the tongues could meet fleetingly, the ghost pressed the button with a quiet click. They parted as his form started to fade, becoming transparent.

“I love you, Minho, be happy.

-I’ll find you, Jisung, I love you too !”

A final peck on the lips was how they parted. Minho breathed in shakily. Jisung was gone. Wiping at unstopping tears, he turned back to face the laptop. Putting his hand on the mouse, he dragged the pointer to the other open page.

“In and out, Min. Paste the link. Send the tweet.”

He clicked the button, letting out a broken exhale. Holding the hard drive tightly in his hand. Jisung’s hard drive.

* * *

Four men were huddled on a couch, a mess of limbs. A phone went off, blindly grabbed by its owner. The eyes diverted from the tv to the small device and a shriek left him.

“What is it, Lix ?

-It’s… It’s J.One. He dropped a song.”

The next word came in echo from the two oldest of the room.

“What ?!

-Play it, play it right now.”

As one paused the movie, Felix clicked on the link and increased the volume. The heavily beated, smooth song swirled around them, turning the atmosphere dark and mysterious. It took a dozen seconds for the singer to start. It was a male’s voice, silvery and penetrating. Hyunjin shivered at the intensity, sharing a stunned look with Felix.

“Isn’t tha-”

He was shushed by Chan and Changbin at the same time, who focused on the lyrics, frowning.

 

**It’s too fast**

**I’ve expected this moment, what about you?**

**Are you a little scared? Or are you excited?**

**To be honest, it hurts to send you away**

 

**Every time the day went by slowly, I prayed for it to pass by quickly**

**But right now I feel the opposite**

**I’d like for this moment to stop for a bit**

**Time don’t stay here, go somewhere else**

 

**One, two, three, once again back to the 13**

**I became the singer that I wanted to become back then**

**And now all that is taken away from me**

**I wish I had more time to enjoy the dream that came**

 

**But this moment that I’ve waited for even before I started to dream is gone and**

**I just want to stop time**

**I’m still not ready to leave**

**I’m waiting all the way over there**

**The gate over there is waiting**

 

**Why does this day feel like it’s passing by so quickly**

**When I count to three**

**Can everything disappear like a dream**

**And I go back to where I was before**

 

**Back, back, back, back, back, back**

**Go back to before**

**Where everyday was the same, same, same, same, same, same**

**Same back then**

**If right now passes then it’ll seem so far away**

**It’ll feel like I won’t be able to see the current me again**

**I just wanna go back**

**Back, back, back, back, back, back**

**Back to before**

 

**Now the way I talk has gotten more mature**

**It’s a bit unfamiliar but I walk around like I’m confident**

**I walk around and see what I’ll miss soon, when I’m gone**

**I’m still immature and I just can’t get used to it**

**These late night hours I won’t witness again**

**These people I won’t touch and feel and talk to anymore**

**But my dad and mom still look at me like a kid**

**And now they have to watch me go earlier than them**

 

**Pay attention how old are you now that you’re still asking for the impossible**

**Soon I’ll have to take off my name tag completely**

**This should be good enough**

**Continue on without me, don’t be heavy-hearted**

**One day we will be reunited**

 

**Twenty years old that I wanted to become so badly**

**Did everybody go through this same experience or am I the only one**

**That’s anxious ?**

**Not even other people, but people close to me like my mom, dad, and friends**

**Did they spend this day like this too?**

 

**Why does this day feel like it’s passing by so quickly**

**When I count to three**

**Can everything disappear like a dream**

**And I go back to where I was before**

 

**Back, back, back, back, back, back**

**Go back to before**

**Where everyday was the same, same, same, same, same, same**

**Same back then**

**If right now passes then it’ll seem so far away**

**It’ll feel like I won’t be able to see the current me again**

**I just wanna go back**

**Back, back, back, back, back, back**

**Back to before**

 

**This place that felt so awkward**

**Became my home**

**Seoul that felt so big**

**Then seemed small to me**

 

**The dream that I’ve been dreaming of has taken off**

**And when I look out the window, it’s ready to land**

**The dream that I’ve been dreaming of has taken off**

**And when I look out the window, it has now crashed**

**This place that felt so awkward**

 

**This place that felt so big**

**This place that felt so awkward**

**I’ll never see it again**

 

Halfway through, the singing had became rap, then singing again, always by the same person. The more it was nearing the end, the more brittle and shaky the voice got. It ended and they stayed unmoving for a bit.

“That’s not possible. Chan, how-

-That’s not him, Bin, you know it. I’ve heard that voice before though, who…

-It’s Minho.

-It is him. He has a particular tone.

-Where is he ?

-We need to see him.

-He must be at the studio. I’ll lead you to him if you explain what’s going on.

-Tomorrow. I promise.”

Hyunjin, Changbin, Felix and Chan arrived at the arts studio a few minutes later to find Minho curled up in the sofa of one of the rooms. The brown-haired boy approached and called his name softly. The brunette rolled to the side, hysterical laughter erupting from him. His cheeks were glowing, reflecting the spotlights of the ceiling.

“Minho… Are you okay ?

-Continue on without me, don’t be heavy-hearted. One day we will be reunited.”

He sang, standing up, twirling around Felix. Changbin and Chan stared at him.

“Minho.

-Ooh, Chan, hello.”

He giggled, tripping and falling on the tallest of them, who caught him.

“It’s been a while, how are you ?

-Minho, did you know Jisung ?

-Of course I do ! I mean, did. Because, ya know. He’s dead. Anyways. I did know him.”

Changbin frowned, unhappy because of the stirred up emotions he caused.

“Are you drunk ?

-I wish I was. Anyways.”

He picked up the hard drive from the desk and slid it in his back pocket.

“Catch you later, losers.”

He skittered out, jumping and humming as he walked. The four boy left behind only watched him leave with different emotions. Hurt, concern, understanding, confusion.

* * *

He couldn’t believe it. He had won. After so many hours training, rehearsing, practicing, so much sweat, bruises, stress, his efforts finally paid off. And he had won the competition.

He was on the bus, on his way back to the apartment he shared with Woojin. They had moved in together after graduation, Minho finally able to run away from his monster of a mother.

The competition had taken place in some city in the East of the country so the journey would take a few hours. The bus was currently passing through mountains. The quite bumpy road made the vehicle jump and bounce.

The brunette shot a text to his flatmate and laid back in his seat. He started playing some music on his phone, closed his eyes and relaxed.

19 came on. A year and a half after first hearing it, it still hit very hard. Minho missed the funny blonde. The pun might be slightly morbid, but he would even dare to say Jisung was lively.

A soft smile took over his face as the memories came, swirling in his mind like a tornado.

Then everything happened very quickly. A car swerved out of its lane. The bus turned to avoid it, only to plunge in the ravine.

Suddenly, Minho was standing on a gravelly floor, light burning through his eyelids. Opening them carefully, he noticed he was facing out to the green valley. A deafening crash resounded and echoed around but he did not budge one bit.

The brunette turned to look behind him and was met by a shorter silhouette. Fluffy hair, cute face.

“Long time no see, Minho.”

Smiles. Embrace. Warmth. Lips.

* * *

* * *

 

Epilogue :

“See ? I told you it was meant to be called 19. It wasn’t my death age, but yours.”

“Jin-hyung, do you realize that means that his last words were ‘You better not be fucking C. or F. when I arrive’ ?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this, I sure had a lot of fun writing it ! Tell me what you thought in the comments, if you want  
> ~  
> Hit me up on Twitter  
> @lacyjunnie


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